Beating Breast Cancer

Dear Breast Cancer,

It looks like we are beginning a new relationship, one YOU clearly initiated.

I want you to know right from the start that this is not permanent. I WILL break up with you. You are a bump in the road, not a death sentence.

You may hurt me but I will heal.

You may make me cry but I will not quit.

You may change my health but not my heart.

You may have caught ME by surprise, but NOT my Father.

He was way ahead of you, putting things together to make this journey smoother than you intend it to be.

You may bruise me but you will not beat me.

I am not afraid. I am at peace.

Bet you can't figure THAT one out...

Cindy

Pampering Problems

So today "Jesus Calling" hits me right between the eyes...AGAIN!

When your mind goes into neutral and your thoughts flow freely, you tend to feel anxious and alone. Your focus becomes problem-solving.

H...E...L...L...O!!! Been there...am there...doing that!

The solution is to choose to practice My presence.

I've been pampering my problems.

Today I will practice rather than pamper.

W...I...L...T...I...N...G...

Many days I feel like I am wilting where I'm planted.

All I can smell is fertilizer rather than the flower...the dung instead of the daffodil...the crap instead of the chrysanthemum...you get the idea!

A dear friend sent me a copy of "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It's written as if Jesus himself were actually speaking the words directly to you, and most days I find it right on!

Two days ago it spoke about swimming upstream against the current of [God's] purposes. Yesterday talked about letting circumstances toss you this way and that.

Why is it so hard to trust when you grow up? I don't remember having trust issues as a kid. Now I have them all the time.

Bermuda Shorts & Back Flips

I well remember the day I discovered my pastor was a REAL person. I was probably about 8 years old. We had been invited to the parsonage for a cookout. Exiting our car, there HE was...dressed, not in a suit and tie, but Bermuda shorts...acting like it was all normal or something! Like it's everyday I see my minister dressed like a tourist on the beach! If that wasn't enough, the evening progressed and he impressed us by doing back flips across the yard. I thought he was SO COOL! I'd never known a preacher who did stuff like that, and here it is, a whole bunch of years later and I still remember it!

Now I'm married to a preacher. I've never known him to do back flips, but he's pretty REAL and COOL to me. He wears shorts, though I don't think Bermuda is the term anymore, and watches football and news on TV. He drives a Mustang convertible and spikes his hair with gel. He likes to shop at American Eagle and orders Strawberry Frappucino's at Starbucks.

I like COOL preachers.

Comfortable in Your Own Skin

My Daddy was comfortable in his own skin.

He was who he was and was okay with that.

I don't ever remember him saying, "I'm too fat, I need to go on a diet".

I don't ever remember conversations about untruths people said about him. He didn't need to defend himself to them or us.

We KNEW who he was, so did he....others were just...well....wrong!

MISSING: "Want To" and "Woo Hoo"

I am a mess.

I've always been a "Suck-it-up-Get-over-it" kinda gal.

So when my Inner Dr. Phil asks, "How's that workin' for ya?", I must admit...not so good. My ability to suck it up and get over it has taken a hiatus. Therefore, this temporary departure has resulted in my serious lack of "want to" and a loss of my "woo hoo". Motivation and enthusiasm have vacated the premises, if you know what I mean.

Recent Sunday School lessons, sermons, and Bible study topics have all hit me squarely between the eye, right where I'm living. I'm not walking in a fog...I KNOW what's wrong, and I pretty much know where it came from and what caused it. What I do about it...now THERE's the rub!

The few with whom I've shared some of my struggles have said, "I understand"..."You've had a hard year. You lost your Daddy...you're living away from your family and kids"...and they are correct and there IS some sort of comfort in their compassion. But that too is a bit of frustration for me because...LOTS of people have lost their Daddy's...lots of people live away from their kids...lots of people SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER IT...why can't I???

I wish I could post a magical remedy I've discovered and tell you I'VE ARRIVED...but, some days I find myself on the Avenue of Acceptance, other days the Road to Recovery, and sadly, a lot of the time I find myself veering off on the Boulevard of Broodiness where I often spend way too much time.

Just a portion of a comment in Philippians 2:13 gives me hope for my missing "want to" and "woo hoo" when it says, "For it is God who works in you to will and to act..." or as my margin notes state, "to want to and to do"! I bear some responsibility in this, as stated in previous verses, but it is GOD who is doing the work, not me!

So...I continue to do the next thing, whatever that may be, trusting that God is helping me suck-it-up and get-over-it by restoring my WANT TO and my WOO HOO! And to that, I say...YIPPEE!

Nostalgic Noel

Not yet quite motivated to deck our halls,
Hubby dear, determined to inspire,
Bearing boxes and bags from their basement bunks
Eagerly anticipating my enthusiasm to acquire.

Outdoor garland and glimmer begged bedecking
When Indian summer came mid-November.
Gratefully foregoing frozen fingers and toes,
A random rarity…one we’ll remember.

Sentimentally sorting through seasonal stuff,
Ill-prepared for this sudden eruption,
Unpacking the reindeer Daddy made long ago,
Found me flooded with tearful emotion.

Twice taken from those who loved him so dearly,
Alzheimer’s ~ a tragic thief ~
September 15th heaven heralded him home
Deep sadness blending bittersweet relief.

Albeit morose, life is meant to be lived,
Though death changes you…one cannot deny,
We go back to work, birthdays, weddings, and such
Regular routine ~ refreshment on which to rely.

Leaving logic in limbo, lucidity lost,
Accompanying Wait, white-water rafting we went
With a group from our church down the lovely New River
“Class 5 rapids” ~ I had no clue what that meant.

Grasping the ropes instead of rowing as directed,
For me, Class 5 meant “Hold on for dear life!”
Poor Waitman, functioning in major “protective mode”,
Broke a rib trying to shield his scared wife.

Intending to inspire (and with remarkable success)
A challenge to our VBS kids Wait gave
Fifteen-hundred dollars given from Monday to Friday,
And his head he’d permit them to shave!

Congregating in Orlando, General Assembly in June,
The Nazarene Family’s quadrennial convention.
Good workshops and services…enjoyed seeing old friends,
But the heat and humidity, a most distressing dimension.


November now waning, Thanksgiving past
December’s “fa-la-la” now set in motion.
Parties and plans, family, fellowship and fun
Perfect pleasure, this Christmas commotion!

Overwhelmingly blessed…our 3 kids and 5 “grands”
Steph & Ashton, Sam, Jaimee and Addy...
Our Texas Five (anticipating a trip there in January)…
Holly, Justin, Zach, Alex, and Maddie.

Enjoying the home our church has provided
In the place where we’ve served for three years
Faithfully following, preaching and teaching ~
Two Buckeyes amidst Mountaineers!

Lingering a little longer in the meaningful memories
Fondly reminiscing till we meet again
Saying farewell to the days of auld lang syne,
Wishing you God’s blessing in 2010.