More Than Coincidence

'God-signs' are appearing everywhere in the most recent path I have been chosen to travel. Receiving the news that a mastectomy is the recommended solution to the cancer in my left breast (henceforth referred to as LB), left me feeling shocked, numb, and overwhelmed. Had a lot of information thrown our way. But, as I was reading/journaling/praying this morning, it occurred to me that God is right where He's always been and I have a hunch I'm gonna see more of these 'MORE THAN COINCIDENCE' things happen in my life. Hence, I blog, maybe to encourage you but to help me when I tend to flounder in feelings of fear.

IT IS MORE THAN COINCIDENCE...

*That several years ago God prompted my husband to send a gift card to his parent's primary care physician as a gesture of appreciation for the care and concern she gives them.

*That this SAME doctor, upon learning that we were moving back to the area, asked me to send her my resume STAT, leading to my hiring as a Patient Service Rep for the Cleveland Clinic

*That we have wonderful health insurance and that the week prior to my diagnosis, I completed my 90-days and am an 'official' employee

*That I was placed in the Dermatology & Plastic Surgery Departments when I was first hired by the Clinic and worked there for about 5 weeks before being transferred to ENT

*That on Tuesday 2.14.2012, after learning I'd need a mastectomy, Dr Ray Isakov 'just happened' to be at our facility and had an opening in his schedule to meet and talk with us about reconstruction (he's only there 1.5 days a week & it just so happened...)

*That my surgery date is 3.19.2012, which means I will be able to attend the MVNU Women's Auxiliary Spring Conference the weekend before (which is kinda important to me since I'm the president of the organization)!

*That at work last Thursday, as I was registering a patient, I complimented her on her hair cut and color and told her how cute she looked.  She smiled and informed me it was a WIG and she's a cancer patient!  We briefly swapped stories and she gave me the name of her wig place!  Coincidence...I say NAY NAY!  :)

STAY TUNED...I'M SURE THERE'S MORE TO COME

Beating Breast Cancer

Dear Breast Cancer,

It looks like we are beginning a new relationship, one YOU clearly initiated.

I want you to know right from the start that this is not permanent. I WILL break up with you. You are a bump in the road, not a death sentence.

You may hurt me but I will heal.

You may make me cry but I will not quit.

You may change my health but not my heart.

You may have caught ME by surprise, but NOT my Father.

He was way ahead of you, putting things together to make this journey smoother than you intend it to be.

You may bruise me but you will not beat me.

I am not afraid. I am at peace.

Bet you can't figure THAT one out...

Cindy

Pampering Problems

So today "Jesus Calling" hits me right between the eyes...AGAIN!

When your mind goes into neutral and your thoughts flow freely, you tend to feel anxious and alone. Your focus becomes problem-solving.

H...E...L...L...O!!! Been there...am there...doing that!

The solution is to choose to practice My presence.

I've been pampering my problems.

Today I will practice rather than pamper.

W...I...L...T...I...N...G...

Many days I feel like I am wilting where I'm planted.

All I can smell is fertilizer rather than the flower...the dung instead of the daffodil...the crap instead of the chrysanthemum...you get the idea!

A dear friend sent me a copy of "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It's written as if Jesus himself were actually speaking the words directly to you, and most days I find it right on!

Two days ago it spoke about swimming upstream against the current of [God's] purposes. Yesterday talked about letting circumstances toss you this way and that.

Why is it so hard to trust when you grow up? I don't remember having trust issues as a kid. Now I have them all the time.

Bermuda Shorts & Back Flips

I well remember the day I discovered my pastor was a REAL person. I was probably about 8 years old. We had been invited to the parsonage for a cookout. Exiting our car, there HE was...dressed, not in a suit and tie, but Bermuda shorts...acting like it was all normal or something! Like it's everyday I see my minister dressed like a tourist on the beach! If that wasn't enough, the evening progressed and he impressed us by doing back flips across the yard. I thought he was SO COOL! I'd never known a preacher who did stuff like that, and here it is, a whole bunch of years later and I still remember it!

Now I'm married to a preacher. I've never known him to do back flips, but he's pretty REAL and COOL to me. He wears shorts, though I don't think Bermuda is the term anymore, and watches football and news on TV. He drives a Mustang convertible and spikes his hair with gel. He likes to shop at American Eagle and orders Strawberry Frappucino's at Starbucks.

I like COOL preachers.

Comfortable in Your Own Skin

My Daddy was comfortable in his own skin.

He was who he was and was okay with that.

I don't ever remember him saying, "I'm too fat, I need to go on a diet".

I don't ever remember conversations about untruths people said about him. He didn't need to defend himself to them or us.

We KNEW who he was, so did he....others were just...well....wrong!

MISSING: "Want To" and "Woo Hoo"

I am a mess.

I've always been a "Suck-it-up-Get-over-it" kinda gal.

So when my Inner Dr. Phil asks, "How's that workin' for ya?", I must admit...not so good. My ability to suck it up and get over it has taken a hiatus. Therefore, this temporary departure has resulted in my serious lack of "want to" and a loss of my "woo hoo". Motivation and enthusiasm have vacated the premises, if you know what I mean.

Recent Sunday School lessons, sermons, and Bible study topics have all hit me squarely between the eye, right where I'm living. I'm not walking in a fog...I KNOW what's wrong, and I pretty much know where it came from and what caused it. What I do about it...now THERE's the rub!

The few with whom I've shared some of my struggles have said, "I understand"..."You've had a hard year. You lost your Daddy...you're living away from your family and kids"...and they are correct and there IS some sort of comfort in their compassion. But that too is a bit of frustration for me because...LOTS of people have lost their Daddy's...lots of people live away from their kids...lots of people SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER IT...why can't I???

I wish I could post a magical remedy I've discovered and tell you I'VE ARRIVED...but, some days I find myself on the Avenue of Acceptance, other days the Road to Recovery, and sadly, a lot of the time I find myself veering off on the Boulevard of Broodiness where I often spend way too much time.

Just a portion of a comment in Philippians 2:13 gives me hope for my missing "want to" and "woo hoo" when it says, "For it is God who works in you to will and to act..." or as my margin notes state, "to want to and to do"! I bear some responsibility in this, as stated in previous verses, but it is GOD who is doing the work, not me!

So...I continue to do the next thing, whatever that may be, trusting that God is helping me suck-it-up and get-over-it by restoring my WANT TO and my WOO HOO! And to that, I say...YIPPEE!